“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way our of those depths.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ros
Everyone is dealing with or has had struggles in their life, some big, some small. I spent last week on the road doing eight interviews for our upcoming Pick A Struggle TV show. The interviews were with people who have dealt with or are dealing with struggles such as weight, sexual abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, transgender struggles, cancer and more.
There was one theme that came up in every single story – these people realized that once they “found” or accepted themselves they were able to be strong and live a better life. Although they may not have said those exact words, that was the underlying theme in each and every journey.
As we face struggles, it is common to wonder what is wrong with us, what we did to deserve this, why me, etc. This thought pattern is a negative spiral that unfortunately some people get stuck in. Many times it’s nothing that you personally have done and even if you did something that landed you in the midst of turmoil, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
When we learn who we are and accept ourselves we can begin loving ourselves. You may have heard me say, “All relationships start within; whether that is a relationship with another person, money, “luck”, health or anything else, the relationship you have with yourself have a strong effect on every other relationship you have, so make it a good one”.
Every person I talked with over the last week commented how learning who they were and being able to love themselves allowed them to find strength, live a more fulfilled life, give more to others and feel better about everything outside of them because they felt better inside.
What can you do to improve your relationship with yourself?
It’s important to take time and reflect on who you are, what you want for your life and why you’re in your current position. Get really honest with yourself, then accept and love yourself for the person you are
For example: (Let me be clear here. I’m not implying that this is the case for everyone in these situations, they are only examples.)
If you are overweight ask yourself if there is something you’re trying to cover up or hide. Were you a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault? Maybe you don’t want to appear attractive to certain people. Were you born into a body that doesn’t feel like your own, so you’re rejecting it? Are you rebelling against something?
If you’re struggling with a bad relationship, ask yourself why? Is this the right relationship? Have you given it your all? If you have, are you willing to continue this struggle and under what circumstances? What would make this relationship better? Do you or the other person need help? Are other people being hurt by the relationship?
Although these are just a couple of examples, these are the types of questions you need to ask yourself and be really honest with your answers.
Remember, not everything is your “fault”, maybe you were sexually abused or physically assaulted, that doesn’t mean you deserved it, asked or it or anything of that nature. These are the kinds of things that cause people to ask, “why me?” Sadly, sometimes we’ll never really know or understand that answer, but you can choose to move on and not be held back.
Tell yourself you, “I love you” in the mirror at least once every day. It may seem silly at first, but you’ll notice a difference in how you feel.
How have you overcome struggles in your past? As you face challenges now, remember what got you through your previous struggles, it will help you do it again. You deserve the best life you can dream of. Start with finding your authentic self and make steps to embrace and live that life.