“Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, then mind of the giver is uplifted.” ~ Buddha
We’re your ever told or given the impression that accepting something from someone else (maybe it was called charity) is bad? I understand where this feeling/thought comes from, but it’s important to understand that people don’t always give because they feel bad for you or look down upon you. Most people give because it makes them feel good.
I am a person who likes to do things for other people. Whether that’s giving a gift, performing an act of kindness or just saying kind words and when the person or people it’s intended for resist it takes the joy away for me, the “giver”. Receiving a gift from someone is as much a gift back to them as the gift you have received.
It’s important to remember that giving is a source of joy for people, especially when they are giving without being asked. Now, just to be clear I’m referring to giving without expectation of return. Those that give and expect something in return may have anterior motives & hidden agenda, that’s the kind of giving that you want to steer clear of.
If you consistently resist receiving someone’s acts of kindness, you are consistently stealing their joy. When someone is robbed of their joy over and over again, they learn to avoid the situation.
Below are some ideas for finding balance:
- Receive with gratitude: Say thank you so the giver knows you appreciate their kindness/thoughtfulness. (DO NOT follow up with “you shouldn’t have”, “I can’t accept this”, or any other resistance phrase)
- If you are uncomfortable with the consistent giving of someone talk to them about it. You can explain to them that it feels uncomfortable and you can work towards a compromise.
- Whatever you do, if you value the giver, do not consistently turn down their offers of kindness and do not take them for granted.
- Let go of the past beliefs that no longer serve you – all giving is not “charity”, “charity” is not bad.
- Give what you can – to others and to the “giver” in your life.
Do a random act of kindness today.